Suicide is not the only option, living is worth it

Whilst this is only one story from Matilda’s life, she deems it the most significant:

Two weeks after Matilda’s 17th birthday she split up with her partner and he threatened to take his life. Matilda was able to convince him to meet her off the school bus the following morning and he agreed. He gave her his suicide note and told Matilda he couldn't live without her.

Matilda tried to talk him out of doing the unthinkable but when she realised he actually had a rope that he had hidden near the school, it occurred to her that he had already planned what he was going to do next. Matilda physically tried get the rope off him, aggressively trying to separate him from the rope that would ultimately serve to end his life.

He was stronger than Matilda, as a boxer and dancer there was no way she could overpower him or outrun him. Matilda decided to call for help and ran to the school principal who went with her to the bottom of Janet Street where she saw his body hanging from the stadium.

Matilda will never forget the wind moving past his pants and knowing his feet were not on the ground. That image is sketched in her mind, never to be forgotten.

Sadly, Matilda was blamed for his suicide. She was bashed, her life threatened, victimised, bullied and harassed. She couldn't escape it. At that time Matilda didn't have the internal resources to deal with anything at this time. Neither did the other teenagers who were suffering with the loss of their friend.

Matilda was a mess, a huge spiral of negative emotions, anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), weight gain, an eating disorder, drug abuse, risky behaviour and self-destructive actions.

Matilda remembers looking at herself in the mirror, hating what and who she had become. She always seemed to be a victim. From there Matilda began self-harming and can clearly remember the time she had finally decided to end her life. She had hit rock bottom.

Foot flat to the floor, Matilda drove her car towards the telegraph pole on Wakefield Road and kept speeding up. The anger, frustration, fear and sadness was inside her like never before, but an overwhelming feeling of guilt hit her. How could she pass this feeling onto her family by doing what she was about to do?

Matilda steered away from the pole. Stopped the car and decided if she wasn't going to die then she needed to live for something of value.

Matilda then started looking for a purpose, asking herself what life was about? What is the purpose? She began reading self-help book after self-help book.

Focusing mainly on the external image first because she didn't realise happiness comes from within. Matilda worked on her diet, looks and posture. She reduced drinking alcohol dramatically and stopped hanging around all her 'friends'.

It did not seem to matter how much weight Matilda lost or what new clothes she bought to fill the emotional gap inside her — Matilda never felt healed.

Matilda had to move forward from her old life. She wanted to create what she knew could be possible.

Finally, Matilda started working on her self-talk, internal image, confidence and self-esteem. It took years and years of self-development to shake that old internal image Matilda had of herself.

During the transformation, Matilda had many ups and downs, and certainly fell more than once. It wasn't the easiest path, but it was far easier than staying stuck in the lowest point of her life.

After changing her life, Matilda can say with utter conviction that life now is AMAZING! Every day is filled with love, compassion, generosity, growth, passion, variety, contribution, connection and significance. There is no hate or overwhelming negative emotions.

Matilda has fully forgiven herself and everyone from her past. She is focused on the present and the future. The past has gone, and she has reinvented herself.

Whilst Matilda didn't get the support that she desperately needed, she does not want anyone to go through feeling like they don't have choices, options and support. People can live their best life, not wasting another day living a 'normal' life.

Don't be on this Earth to be average, be here to be AWESOME. If Matilda can do it, you can too.