Life is not so grey, go outside and add colour to your day

Maggie is a 23-year-old, who has been living with depression and anxiety. Due to her anxiety, Maggie found it difficult to push herself to go outside. Eventually, Maggie learnt how to control her self-doubt and anxiety and go outside. Maggie credits the outdoors for invigorating her mood and helping her achieve happiness.

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For months, Maggie laid in a dark room, hidden from light, fresh air and people, often wondering what the day was going to be like. She laid there, trying to find the motivation to start the day like other people were able: getting up, showering, having breakfast and running out the door with a skip in their step.

So anxious about what the day might hold for her, Maggie would sometimes forget to make the first and most important meal of the day.  If she stayed in bed, perhaps the fear would leave her alone. Maggie was in a battle to keep the fear at bay. It was as though a dark voice was in her head.

Some days were more difficult than others to not let the dark voice win. Maggie knew she must not let the voice anchor her down; it felt as though she were drowning in a deep, dark pool, struggling to reach the surface and be able to breathe freely again.

One day, standing at an open window, seeing the outside world, Maggie could see that the day was a wonderful one and that she should experience it. That looks amazing, thought Maggie, looking outwards, but then the darkness took over again and Maggie walked away, finding she would do nothing, instead. The anxiety and depression were winning.

It was a difficult cycle to be in, to try and control, but Maggie knew it was never too late to try and break it. She eventually found in herself the inner strength needed to take control of her dark and negative thoughts. Maggie knew somewhere, in the back of her mind, she had the strength and the will to reach out to the light at the surface. 

Maggie learnt, that while there is no shame in suffering from depression and anxiety, it’s important to reach out to others for help. That it is possible to start seeing the colours in the world again, and not just grey. Approaching her demons head on was terrifying for Maggie, but she found she was capable of overpowering them and going outdoors.

Taking her first steps outside, and feeling the warmth of sunshine on her skin, Maggie felt happiness. She realised the last thing she wanted to do was look back into that darkness. Maggie finally found the courage to break free from her demons, to confront them headon. She smiled to herself as she yelled at them: YOU WILL NOT CONTROL ME!

Being out in the fresh air allowed endorphins to run through Maggies veins, motivating her and helping her to forget all she used to see as grey. The days no longer filled Maggie with fear or anxiety, and getting out of bed each day was no longer a task. Maggie began planning what she was going to do for the day, instead of worrying about what would happen next.

For Maggie, walking outside, is a magical feeling, almost breathtaking to her, in its wonder. Letting go of the darkness allowed Maggie to explore the outside world, seeing it in a new and positive way, no longer something to fear. Taking in the scenery and the sounds, Maggie could close her eyes and feel the cool breeze and warm sun radiating on her skin, seeming to cleanse the darkness that might try to assert its negative voice.

For Maggie, the depression and anxiety was relieved slowly over time, as she continued to push herself into the daylight and take control of her life. Traveling to new locations and delving into what felt like a completely different world, Maggie experienced the outside world as truly mystical in so many ways: she simply needed to open her eyes to see that it really wasn’t as scary as she thought it to be.

Maggie began to engage with people she hadn’t had contact with for months. This brought much joy as her friends embraced her as though nothing had happened, happily greeting her with caring and understanding hearts.

This made Maggie wonder why she had spent so long listening to her demons, that inner voice telling her that she was worthless, and no one liked her, the depression and anxiety misleading her vulnerable mind. In reality that wasn’t true. Maggie now understood that she mustn’t let negative thoughts take control of her again. Going outside may seem like a daunting task to start with, but everyone has an inner strength and courage that can push them further towards a colourful future, and that starts today.