A motivated single dad

Matt always wanted to be the best dad he could be for his son Fabian but when his wife left him, he did not know how to raise his son by himself. He went to work on different parts of his life and found great joy in taking control of his own emotions and lifestyle, teaching his son through example, how to overcome life’s challenges. Now Matt inspires other dads to do the same.

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Matt is a 35-year-old single dad to his six-year-old son, Fabian, living in the outskirts of Sydney, Australia. His wife left him for her high school crush after a period of infidelity, saying that she had grown apart from him. Since leaving, she no longer has anything to do with Fabian or Matt.

Although devastated when his wife left, Matt chose not to divorce his wife formally for the time being and did not pursue her for child support payments, in return for full custody over Fabian.

Matt has known of other dads who have had many challenges with gaining access to their children. He has seen the toll it has taken on their life and as much as he has wanted to help these dads, it really has been up to them on an individual level to navigate through their own personal challenges and get the right legal help to achieve what they are looking for.

Matt has been motivated by his own experience to play a supporting role to these other men, who have needed a friend to lean on many times during their journey as a dad.

One of the hardest things from Matt’s perspective as a single dad is coming to terms with the enormity of the responsibility he has to his son. When his wife was around, he could share the parenting load and occasionally have some alone time to recharge. But since she left, Matt has struggled to be both a mum and dad and raise his son the way he had hoped. At times, he doubts his own ability. Seeing other parents at school drop off and pick up and at sports events on the weekend, Matt imagines they have it all together and are unphased by how big the task child rearing is.

Matt’s highest value is being a dad. He is motivated to be a world class dad and believes his son has huge potential to do good in this world. Matt feels he is far behind other parents and has a tendency to be very hard on himself for not doing better for Fabian.

Matt has lost touch with his mates who don’t have kids. They just didn't understand when he was too tired and it can be difficult to find someone he trusts to look after his son, so he can hang out with them like they used to. Matt’s friends have not been supportive of his efforts to be the best dad he can be and often make Matt feel uncomfortable for his choices in life.

This motivated Matt to make changes in who he surrounds himself with. He now deliberately chooses who he interacts with and the type of things he engages with in life. He became more motivated regarding his own health, knowing that will also benefit Fabian, teaching him about good foods and the importance of living an active life that includes lots of outdoor activities.

He has also started reading books and watching YouTube videos to learn about parenting from other single parents, who have experience and have raised, or are raising children, the same way he wants to.

Although busy with work commitments and being available for Fabian, Matt has organised his life deliberately to allow time for reading first thing in the morning before Fabian wakes up. He is motivated, knowing the days get hectic, and reading before bed puts Matt to sleep, missing the book’s key messages.

Matt’s subsequent mental shift, in being a single dad, surprised him in many positive ways and most importantly, he has seen his level of patience when disciplining Fabian, rise to record heights. He can control his emotions better by applying the breathing strategies that he learnt from the books and online videos. If there is something he needs to talk to Fabian about, he smiles before he approaches Fabian to make sure he remembers how much he loves him.

Fabian often asks questions about his mum and why she left and Matt had, until recently, fobbed off these questions as he did not know what to say. He didn’t want to talk badly about Fabian’s mum because he knew that this could hurt Fabian deep down, even if Fabian didn’t say anything about it to Matt.

Matt decided that when Fabian was old enough that he would support Fabian to reconnect with his mum, but for the time being his mum was working through some challenges in her own life and the safest place for both Fabian and Matt was to give her that space.

At the end of an exhausting day at work, Matt reminds himself that he works hard so he can provide for himself and Fabian, and that when he is with Fabian he makes the extra effort to show Fabian that he is his number one priority and he gives him the best of himself. 

Matt is incredibly optimistic about his future as a single dad. He has had a challenging time to mentally and physically develop himself to the point he is at now, and knows that life will continually throw challenges at him. He is open minded about his own abilities and limitations being a single parent, but he is not letting that stop him from being all he can be for Fabian. He hopes to be an example to other single dads that as impossibly hard as it may often seem, being a single dad is the most rewarding calling he could have ever imagined.